If you’ve never seen a pair of lobster eyeballs in a plastic baggie, then you obviously weren’t in my second grade class. That’s it.
Just kidding! That’s not it! Show and tell was the best part about elementary school, I think. Actually, it was a close call, but after a 10 second trip down memory lane, I determined that snack was the best part of grade school, and the selection of clothes in the nurses office for the kids who spilled said snack on themselves was the worst. Although food is high on my list of priorities, that topic is for a different blog post.
Today, I am going to show you five random items in my room, and then tell you about these five random items in my room. (And yes, in second grade I was more than proud to bring in a pair of eyeballs from the previous nights dinner to show and tell my classmates about. Lobsters are cool!) So here it goes:
1. My Gatorade Water Bottle
…will always have a special place in my heart. It comes everywhere with me, therefore it knows me. It’s probably with me more than my iPhone. In fact, it is with me more than my iPhone, mostly because it works out with me and I work out a lot. A perk of this water bottle is it doesn’t break when it gets wet. So I can bring it in a boat. (HAHA. It can get wet. Because it’s a water bottle.)
2. This Orange
…has been in my room since I traveled to Virginia, which was about a month ago. This orange got to sit in the bottom on my backpack for two 9+ hour drives. It got to stay with me in my hotel. It get’s to see me do my hair every day, it gets to see me pluck my eyebrows, it gets to watch me sleep. Not many objects get to have experienced all these things with me, with the exception of my water bottle, possibly.
3. Zach Braff
…and all of his glory sits on my wall in the form of a Garden State movie poster. In my opinion, he is the best actor/comedian/producer/screenwriter/director to grace the earth. That pretty much sums it up. Also, Dr. John Dorian is equally as awesome.
4. This Hoodie Allen guitar pick
…is from literally the best show I have ever been to. May 18, 2012 marks one of the best days of my life, as well as my best friends 21st birthday. WOW. What a day. I was finally able to meet my favorite Jewish rapper of all, and got a guitar pick from Kyle, and Hoodie signed it.
“Life couldn’t get better, this gon’ be the best day ever” – Mac Miller quote because Jewish rappers know best.
5. An Overdue Library Book
…that I still haven’t read has been sitting on my nightstand for over two months. Actually, it was due back two months ago. I had every intention of reading it because it was supposed to be really good, but life didn’t want to me become more educated and forced me to attend classes that I probably slept through anyways. Thank goodness I registered for classes before they put a hold on my account or whatever they do to overdue book offenders, because God forbid I return this book to the most conveniently located building on campus.
Now you have been on the official tour of my room and know basically all there is to know about me. After some close reading (slash, this is the TL;DR) you might discover that I stay hydrated, I neglect citrus fruit, Zach Braff, I love Jewish rappers, and I’m a bad student. Enjoy your Monday ya’ll.
edit: I forgot to add the Song of the Post! Eek! This one is called “One Good Thing” by Jared Evan. I saw him last Saturday at the Hoodie Allen concert (yes, another one) and he was incredible! If you like this, I suggest you look up his newest EP, The 4th Chapter.
So hit me with music, ya hear?!
Necessity is the mother of invention. Since the beginning of time, humans have been on their creative grind in order to make this world a better place. What would we do without the wheel or the motor vehicle; the lightbulb or the iPad Mini? Out of necessity, we have created these many wonderful inventions. Without some of them, I don’t know where we would be today. However, while this is all true and good, I am officially dubbing Japan as the step-mother of invention. With the oh so practical Rice-Growing Agriculture Bra, women and men alike are sparking an interest in agriculture!
In addition to the Rice-Growing Agriculture Bra, I researched a few other gems that Japan has introduced to the world.
Eye Drop Funnels
I hope that droplet of saline reaches terminal velocity before it daggers into my cornea.
If I ever walk out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to my shoe, I hope I find this lady waiting to tell me about it. I would have so many cruel things to say.
Something tells me strangulation is waiting for her at the next stop.
Okay, this one might actually be awesome and totally practical.
Despite the seemingly utter uselessness of these inventions, save the butter stick, I think they are on to something here. Chindogu is a Japanese word meaning “the art of useless invention”. While our pretentious North American asses have been knocking the Japanese, the joke is really on us. Chindogu was “invented”, if you will, in the late 1980’s when a certain Kenji Kawakami (what a sick name) created something that kind of missed the mark. He was an amateur, it’s understandable. Whatever it was, I’m sure he just about nailed it.
However, because Kawakami probably had a good sense of humor, he discovered that his invention was still a quite enjoyable, original, silly piece of junk, nothing else like it in the world, or so we hope. Chindogu is taken pretty seriously over there, and the Ten Tenets of Chindogu were created because you might think there are no rules; but there are rules. They are as follows:
1. A chindogu cannot be for real use.
2. A chindogu must exist.
3. Inherent in every chindogu is the spirit of anarchy.
4. Chindogu are tools for every day life.
5. Chindogu are not for sale.
6. Humor must not be the sole reason for creating a chindogu.
7. Chindogu is not propaganda.
8. Chindogu are never taboo.
9. Chindogu cannot be patented.
10. Chindogu are without prejudice.
Enter, sarcobang. Through the twenty-one years of my life, I think I might have created a few accidental chindogus, although if I had in fact been the first person to think of bra pockets, that shit would have been patented by now. Because one cannot actually hold a sarcobang, and therefore it does not exist, I am dubbing it an actual invention. Basically, it is the product of the irony mark (⸮), and an interrobang (‽), but with a twist. So you heard it here first, the sarcobang is a punctuation mark you might add to the end of an exclamation if you think the receiver might not understand your sarcasm. I’ll have you know this is an Erin Original that I have created, not to be found anywhere on the internet until now.
On that note, I leave you with a quote to spark the future chindogus brewing in the depths of your right brain.
“A life lived for art is never a life wasted.” – Macklemore (Ten Thousand Hours)