Tagged: humor

Search Engine Terms: AKA I wrote about this shit

I was perusing the stats page of my WordPress, because who doesn’t, and a phrase in the Search Engine Terms box caught me eye. Usually there isn’t anything in there, so I thought to myself, if “independent artist that became big in 2012?” was able to link someone back to this blog post from December, then what else have people searched that brought them here?

Turns out a lot of random shit that people search have brought them here, and I would like nothing more than to share some of these things with the internet.

“penny bra” – If you find a bra for a penny, please let me know. However if it is made out of pennies I will politely decline.

“hoodie allen name drops one direction” – Yes, yes he does.

“playlist to get you through studying” – I hope that since you searched this, it brought you to the playlist that I made for studying, and not the blog post that somehow was linked to “penny bra”.

“toilet paper helmet” – I hope this is either school related, or you were trying to write a research paper about this beautiful invention.

“kyle armillotti sings sweetest mafia song” – The sweetest damn mafia song I’ve ever heard. Or maybe you meant Swedish. Hard to say really.

“does itunes suck” – No.

“ellie goulding halcyon itunes deluxe edition free download legal” – Not every day do you see someone searching the internet for the legal download of a song. Something tells me you could have used fewer words to find the same result though. (See above)

“oh shit i think they’re onto us” – Damn right I am onto you. Despite the fact that you used the correct version of “they’re”, I assure you I am a singular person… “you’re” is sufficient.

Show And Tell

If you’ve never seen a pair of lobster eyeballs in a plastic baggie, then you obviously weren’t in my second grade class. That’s it.

Just kidding! That’s not it! Show and tell was the best part about elementary school, I think. Actually, it was a close call, but after a 10 second trip down memory lane, I determined that snack was the best part of grade school, and the selection of clothes in the nurses office for the kids who spilled said snack on themselves was the worst. Although food is high on my list of priorities, that topic is for a different blog post.

Today, I am going to show you five random items in my room, and then tell you about these five random items in my room. (And yes, in second grade I was more than proud to bring in a pair of eyeballs from the previous nights dinner to show and tell my classmates about. Lobsters are cool!) So here it goes:

1. My Gatorade Water Bottle

…will always have a special place in my heart. It comes everywhere with me, therefore it knows me. It’s probably with me more than my iPhone. In fact, it is with me more than my iPhone, mostly because it works out with me and I work out a lot. A perk of this water bottle is it doesn’t break when it gets wet. So I can bring it in a boat. (HAHA. It can get wet. Because it’s a water bottle.)

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2. This Orange

…has been in my room since I traveled to Virginia, which was about a month ago. This orange got to sit in the bottom on my backpack for two 9+ hour drives. It got to stay with me in my hotel. It get’s to see me do my hair every day, it gets to see me pluck my eyebrows, it gets to watch me sleep. Not many objects get to have experienced all these things with me, with the exception of my water bottle, possibly.

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3. Zach Braff

…and all of his glory sits on my wall in the form of a Garden State movie poster. In my opinion, he is the best actor/comedian/producer/screenwriter/director to grace the earth. That pretty much sums it up. Also, Dr. John Dorian is equally as awesome.

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4. This Hoodie Allen guitar pick

…is from literally the best show I have ever been to. May 18, 2012 marks one of the best days of my life, as well as my best friends 21st birthday. WOW. What a day. I was finally able to meet my favorite Jewish rapper of all, and got a guitar pick from Kyle, and Hoodie signed it.

“Life couldn’t get better, this gon’ be the best day ever” – Mac Miller quote because Jewish rappers know best.

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5. An Overdue Library Book

…that I still haven’t read has been sitting on my nightstand for over two months. Actually, it was due back two months ago. I had every intention of reading it because it was supposed to be really good, but life didn’t want to me become more educated and forced me to attend classes that I probably slept through anyways. Thank goodness I registered for classes before they put a hold on my account or whatever they do to overdue book offenders, because God forbid I return this book to the most conveniently located building on campus.

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Now you have been on the official tour of my room and know basically all there is to know about me. After some close reading (slash, this is the TL;DR) you might discover that I stay hydrated, I neglect citrus fruit, Zach Braff, I love Jewish rappers, and I’m a bad student. Enjoy your Monday ya’ll.

edit: I forgot to add the Song of the Post! Eek! This one is called “One Good Thing” by Jared Evan. I saw him last Saturday at the Hoodie Allen concert (yes, another one) and he was incredible! If you like this, I suggest you look up his newest EP, The 4th Chapter.

So hit me with music, ya hear?!